Trust The Man
Johnta -
I think my boyfriend may be playing for the home team if you know what I mean. He just seems a bit too friendly with guys and almost has no reaction to very attractive women. I know the saying, "If it quacks like a duck, yada yada yada..." He has been my one and only boyfriend for almost 9 years. So I have nothing to compare him with. I just want a man to be a man. Drink Jake Daniels, go to the gym, you know? Be a man's man! I'm so confused...
Lynn
Dear Lynn,
I have to be careful how I answer this. Reason being is because I'm cut from the old cloth when the men wore suits and drank hard liquor that was un-mixed and had no ice. Lol. That being said, I think we have to be careful about what defines a "real man." Don't get me wrong, I think the guys on Mad Men are awesome to watch. And let's be honest what guy wouldn't want bigger biceps? But the perception of a man can't be determined by most of the images we have to go by in the mainstream media because sadly, most examples fall short of what a man is. Having companionship with male friends doesn't point to "playing for the other side" as you call it. Neither does an absence of a taste for alcohol. Also, his apparent lack of interest in attractive women shouldn't alarm you unless it includes him not being attracted to you. If he's been your boyfriend for 9 years, this can't be new behavior and at the end of the day, if he takes care of you, loves you, & makes you feel like you're the one for him, that's a "real man" in any sensible book.
Dear Johnta -
My boyfriend never wants to go anywhere. He's content with just staying in the house. I cook and clean and he's fine with that. But I want to go out. Even if it's at a park for a picnic. What should I do?
Samantha
Dear Samantha,
Sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns & initiate what you would like to see happen. As a man, I'll admit that a lot of things women view as good fun & a much needed break from the mundane, aren't necessarily things we have at the top of our "to do" list. When that happens pick your man up off of that couch & tell him "we're going out." Don't be afraid to use the "do it for me" card. A relationship is reciprocal. If eating a good home-cooked meal and staying in a cozy environment suits his needs, then so be it. But he has to make sure that some of your needs are catered to as well.
johnta austin
Johnta,
I have no intentions on settling down with anyone right now because I'm 27 and still young. This guy I'm dating wants to be in an exclusive relationship but I don't want to just yet. I'm afraid I will lose him because of what I want. Hit me with your best shot.
Teresa
Dear Teresa,
Here's the thing, you sound like you are honest with yourself about what you're looking for in life at this time. That being said, you have to be honest with him as well. Let him know exactly what you want. If it's a fun-filled relationship without any particular ties, there's nothing wrong with that. But make it known. You can't straddle the fence because you're afraid of losing him. That's selfish. One of the worst things you can do is rob someone else of their right to do what they feel is in their best interest which is essentially what you're doing by not making a solid decision. Life is about choices. Every choice has consequences. It's simple. Choose not to be committed & risk losing him or choose to be committed and keep him. By the way, there's no guarantee that either choice will yield those results. You could stay free from commitment & not lose him. Likewise, you could commit & things not work out. That's beyond your control. But what is in your control is the CHOICE!
Tuff it out and just be a powerful team.
Dear Johnta,
I like this guy but I don't want to come on too strong because I don't want to scare him away and I don't want to get caught in the "friend zone." How am I suppose to come at him?
Christine
Dear Christine,
As the great Reverend Run (who is one of my all time favorite patriarch's) says to his kids all the time... "KEEP IT FUNKY!!" Let him know. That's not saying that it's a good idea to fall all over him. But women have ways of letting men know when they are interested in a relationship beyond the "friend zone." Choose which way best suits you. If he doesn't respond then he's either not into you, or too dense to pick up on the fact that you like him. Either one would suggest that he's not the guy for you. If you want to take it back to basics, send him a note that says "do you like me?", add the 3 boxes, you know the rest.
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